Friday Night.

- You fuck differently Des.

- It's been years you know.

- Oh, I miss you.

- Seems like you are the pussy in this room.

Frozen.

Two weeks now I can hear a music. I always check my mobile, check around me but always nothing. It feels weird. I was never afraid as far as I remember but now I'm not that sure. Something is pushing me too far and all I seemed to do is hurt myself. I feel ill or should I say that I am for sure ill. Aspirin? No, thanks this won' t help I think.

I was watching a documentary today. I really wanted to write about it but I don't feel like right now. Everybody knows that I don't finish things. Well almost everybody. 

Now all I think about is my ending. I want it to be dramatic. I want it to be in my white car. Everything look better when they happen in white. Is like a camvas and that's what I like the most. I want "Pioneer to the falls" to play loud and when Pauls sings ... "but here it comes the fall" I want to close my eyes and see you and thank you for everything you've done. 

So don't go and fix my car please. It's not necessary. I've got everything figured out.

I miss your birthday, I'm sorry.

My first perfume smelled like pure alcohol, you didn't mind because you thought it was your own breath.
My second smelt like pure gasoline which you found really cool and started calling me "hot thing".

The perfume I'm wearing now smells like me missing you. And you don't even care.

I'm ill. Big deal, so am I.

Let's speak another language and act like we are not who we really are. Let's leave our bodies in this miserable city for an hour or so and get lost.

I was feeling really depressed when I found out that my Mom was kissing the neighbour but this quickly became my Sunday "thing" and I swear to God Mom you never looked so hot. Almost proud of you.

What I was doing with my life? The daily routine was: 

4 fresh mint sprigs

2 1/2 oz bourbon whiskey
1 tsp powdered sugar
2 tsp water

The hangover became the "hanging over" and I was feeling like I was standing naked in the middle of the city in a really cold rainy day. Or I was really there?

You will never know.

I wish I could listen to some Interpol right now.

Let me get this picture for you baby. So I'm in a office. A small one. I almost feel alone. Some telephone rings, some voices I don't recognise, and a lot of coffee. I wish I could smoke in here. I would make this place dark just to remind me of the fucking years I've wasted. Sad isn't it? Well what can you do..

My frightened eyes can tell you whatever you want to hear. Just promise me that you will take me away from here, I'm dying.. as someone would say!

One hour left and my life will start eventually. Wanna share it with me?

Whatever i touch i break.

Who told you we don't have issues like you do ? We all have, some of us big time and some just shut their eyes and ears like i do. Bloke all the noises from your window and try your best fake smile in the mirror.

pens and pensils all over the rooms and when your eyes try to find mine i give you my best fake smile and all my wet kisses. Just to make you continue what you're doing best; lying to me.

Isn't this what we all do to each other everyday?

Your lies are welcome here. Feed me with those and give me air to breath. Breath from my mouth and try to find the truth behind all these.

If you do inform me, i'm confusing fiction with reality myself as well.

Just feed me your lies..

Aries and that's all.

When I was in school every boy that had a crush on me always asked me first about my sign. I answered Aries with proud because somebody told me this is the best of all (I still believe it until now). They laughed and started asking if we were meant to be together. This game always bored me to hell and I was just leaving without saying goodbye. The leaving part I practise until today.

Now when I met you I was really mesmerized by everything. I know I don't have the best taste in the world. Ask my friends.Everything were great, I can say we were happy. I looked at your face and believed that there are so many things we left unsaid and so many things we have only just barely touched our lips to without actually saying them. I pushed you that night asking you to confess me what you had in mind and you stupid little loser told me the only thing I didn't wanted to hear, "Really what sign are you? I really believe we are meant to be together".

Well check again, I don't think so!